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Monday, March 16, 2015

My dreams, my memories


I remember when I was little I was obsessed with Barbie and basically anything to do with ballet. I loved when Barbie used to 'transform' at the end of her movies to a beautiful Princess and she was awesome at Ballet and that's when I fell in love with Ballerinas. 

The weird thing is, I never took up my dream to become a ballet dancer. I simply kept that dream in my head and in movies, TV shows e.g. When I was around 9 I had a fantasy world in my head where I was a beautiful ballerina with white stockings, pointe shoes and a beautiful pink ballet dress. Thinking back, I really do wish I achieved that dream, I would of loved it even as a hobby but I never really believed in myself. Maybe it is what all little girls think when they are young? All I know is them dreams are well and truly over and I'm now 16 (almost 17 in two weeks) and I would love to be an RSPCA Volunteer and work with the adorable animals. I never knew the tiger was endangered of becoming instinct! That is so sad. :( 

I recently saw on my local news that a 91 year old Victorian women chained herself to a tree to protect naturalfrom being cut down by people wanting to build roads. I am truly amazed that this women has courage to do this and I think she has every right to stand up for what she believes in and quiet frankly I agree with her! Cutting down trees is basically cutting down all the animals homes, food source and will endanger more species. Imagine in 100 years time if we would tell our grandkids ''Yep back in my day we use to see kangaroos in the bush! ahh the good old days.'' Imagine how sad that would be? We need to stand up for our rights and what we believe in. Sadly despite this womens protest they actually cut down 1,000 trees in Victoria an hour after she unchained herself. Please sign the petition on this website http://www.thepetitionsite.com/environment-and-wildlife/national-parks-and-forests/





Wednesday, February 25, 2015

I want help - I need someone


Some people think I don't want to get better but that's not true. I really do want to get better but I am scared of the anxiety and I'm scared of going outside. I thought a good start would be to go to a quiet library and learn to get rid of my separation anxiety and agoraphobia (nice and quiet library) but I basically had to beg my mum to go and I'm so scared she will forget. The problem is everytime I have an idea to get better, it's a major struggle I wish my family was more on-board otherwise I'll be stuck forever. I feel like such a loser. 

I'm even scared to tell them my ideas. I also want to go to Artspace which is a cool program to learn art but I don't see that happening either. I self-harmed a few days ago, couldn't help it and it did feel really good. At least when I self-harm I see myself here for a reason because right now, I feel like I'm a waste of space and do not belong here. 

                                                             *****

If I do manage to get to the library I will get some chapter books and some education books on different subjects like weather and maybe animals or some history. I'm really interested in womens' rights. I will feel bad dragging my mum to the library because she hates libraries and books, and I know this will make her angry. 

I've had this fake 'fantasy' family in my head for around 2 years and I wish they were real because they are so good to me and I feel very much loved. In my fantasy family, I have no anxiety disorder either. Ugh why can't dreams come true?